there is a light i once promised to keep hidden

burning brightly in my chest

that light,  more of a riot than the sun

tries to guide me towards

redemption? salvation? a better life

than this ever-turning wheel of

bitterness & giving up

this exhaustion

this drug addicted insanity –

– doing the same thing over

& over

& over again

expecting new results

 

my bold light, i have named you Love

carelessly i have claimed you

though you & i & everyone else

know goddamn well You are not

mine to claim.

you have named yourself Gold

Ring

Stasis

& i turn the pages in my mind over & over

trying to understand that which has been

so fucking clearly laid out before me

 

& i call myself Broken

Loathing

Empty

digging deeper into my chest

to extinguish this light

which never goes out

burning now as a reminder

of what is & what will

never be

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